What I Hope My Daughters Learn

As a husband and a father who has raised four girls, the idea of sexual abuse is frightening to me. It is a reality, and one for which I've had to prepare to face directly for nearly thirty years. Thus, the recent Senate Hearings on Kavanaugh have brought those tensions to the forefront for me, as it likely has for many of us. However, I feel like far too many people are focusing on the wrong aspects of what has happened. In that perspective, I'd like to share what I hope my daughters (and all women) learn or remember from the ordeal.

Dear Millennial Rebels

Today, while you march the streets "protesting" the results of the election, my nine-year-old daughter endured nine hours in the operating room. Tonight, while you destroyed American symbols and burned effigies of the President Elect, my daughter laid in an ICU bed, intubated and left on a breathing machine. While you gather angrily in masses online to hashtag for violence and death, the numbers of the arterial line in my daughter's arm fluctuate outside the exceptionable medical standards. You are heated over the democratic process that has served our country for nearly two-and-a-half centuries. Well, let me tell you, I'm indignant as well -- at you, at your lack of empathy and at your hypocrisy!
 

Hulk Is A SuperVillain

Growing up, I read comic books. In those stories was the Hulk, a giant green mass of unearthly strength. I also watched the TV story of the same with Bill Bixby and Lou Ferrigno. I really enjoyed the narrative, but as I've grown older, I have considered this tale a bit differently.

A Remembrance of the Important

This weekend we became suspicious that our daughter Kara had aspirated and might have developed pneumonia from it. Before dawn, Kara cried out screaming from her bedroom. When we arrived, she had vomited significantly. We tended to her, cleaned her up, laid her back down on her side and let her rest. She slept soundly for the next several hours. In fact so soundly that she had to be awakened two hours after her normal rising time.

I'm a Slacker

I've been using Slack at work for a while now. However, I recently discovered a new use for it: my family.
 

Do You Believe?

How do we know whether someone is a Christian or not? It is an interesting question posed to me recently -- not in the way of examining others for their hypocrisy but rahter for me to examine my own.
 

Out of Context

A commonly quoted passage from the Bible is Jeremiah 29:11 which reads (in part) "For I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." We often read this to be encouraged. We tell ourselves God is working things out for me behind the scenes and I'll get that prosperity soon.
 

But we must be careful to read the whole chapter. It is true that God is working behind the scenes for our good, but we have a tendency to believe our idea of what's good and God's idea are the same thing. We also often fail to agree about timing.
 

The Riteful Owner

There sure have been a lot of polarized issues lately. Today, the US Supreme Court ruled that Same-Sex Marriages are a Civil Right and must be permitted in every State. Obviously, social media lit up with opinions -- and surprise, surprise, not very many people played nice.
 

Dear Society

Dear Society:
 

The other day, while carrying my daughter, I approached someone with giddy excitement. I waited patiently until the person could give proper attention, at which time I explained what must have seemed a trivial event about my child’s life. When I was done with the encounter, I walked away – and though the person was polite and I did not actually witness it, the “eyes in the back of my head” detected an eye-roll, as the person wondered why I acted in such a weird way about something of such little importance.

It's Just A TV Show

First of all ***SPOILERS*** in case you have this on DVR and have yet to watch it, but here are my thoughts on How I Met Your Mother.
 

Go-Purple Game

Tears in a father’s eyes mean something. And I have been moved to tears more than once by the response of my local community’s generosity and compassion.

Integrity, A Study in Greek and in Irony

The Merriam-Webster Dictionary defines the word “Integrity” as: ¹ firm adherence to a code of especially moral or artistic value ² an unimpaired condition ³ the quality or state of being complete or undivided.
 

The word’s etymology comes from Latin integritatem which means wholeness and in perfect condition. This is the same root from which we get the mathematical term “integer.” For those non-math majors out there, an integer is a number that contains no fraction.

Lessons of School Supplies

Eleanor Roosevelt once said, "Learn from the mistakes of others. You can't live long enough to make them all yourself." That is the vein in which I approach an observation we made while shopping for school supplies this morning. So, please understand I'm not meaning to be judgmental, but rather applying my response to the situation to be more aware of my own behavior.

From the Archives: Love, Not Fear

I discovered some older blog posts that have not been pushed up to the current blog location since the provider switch in 2011. I decided I would just post some of my favorite ones under the subtitle "From the Archives."

Originally Posted: 29 Feb 2008 07:30 AM

Last night, I got into a discussion with my oldest daughter about God, aetheism, sin, humanism, Heaven and Hell. It was one of those deep moments where you hope to have the right words and be able to explain all your justifications, knowing that you probably are not making any sense at all. Nonetheless, I was compelled to send a follow up email, which I know she will not mind me sharing. Here it is:

I've been thinking about what you said last night. I don't see God as a cosmic troll who snaps his fingers with demands of righteousness or He will send us to Hell. I view it more as a loving Father who hopes His children will love him enough to respect the rules of His house.   Being a father myself, this really clears up my understanding. I think things such as marriage and parenthood really are "gifts" from God. They are life functions with multiple layers of meaning - one of which to help us better understand God and His desire to interact with us.   For example, I want Rachel to keep her room clean. I don't want her to do it only because she is afraid of being punished. I may have to punish her if she fails to follow the rules - or perhaps she will stub her toe on one of the toys strewn across her room, which becomes its own punishment. However, I do want her to clean her room because I believe it should make her more happy but also I hope that she loves me enough to follow my rules even if she doesn't understand them completely. I want her motivation to be love, not fear. Nonetheless, I will still love her whether her room is clean or not.   I find it interesting that God is often referred to as a father. I think in recent years to whole "battle of the sexes" thing has caused us to lose perspective of this - as if being a father is a bad thing or is better than being a mother. I don't hold any of those opinions at all. However, I will note that fathers approach raising children differently than mothers.   With some exceptions, mothers nurture their children, and protect them from harm. If a mother foresees pain and suffering, a mother will directly intervene to prevent the distress. Fathers, however, are more passive in their approach. They allow the child to make those mistakes in hopes they will learn from them. Fathers do still intervene, but usually only do so when the circumstances are extreme.   Now - earthly mothers and father range with great variety. None of us are perfect, but the general difference of approach is there. Earthly fathers often get the blamed for being lazy and uninvolved - and some are; however, I think many times this comes from the method, not apathy.   The allegories run deep here; I could continue to make comparisons all day. Hopefully some of these things has given you insight. And please remember, no matter what you do or don't do, no matter what path you follow, no matter how you choose to live your life, no matter what you opt to believe, I will always love you too.

The Art of Mind-Reading, Part II

I left off last time with the idea of how well I get along with my wife has to do with how well I can read her mind. Let me reiterate this is not about her, but rather a real skill I should try to improve.
 

Of course I do not have any sort of clairvoyance or other mental prowess. But I do have powers of observation. How often do I “know” how someone is going to act or react in an upcoming situation? How can I know this if I am not a mind-reader?
 

What’s The Count And Where’s The Play?

When I was a pre-teen playing little league baseball, I had a coach who had a method to help my teammates and me “keep our heads in the game.” When our team held the field, he told us that after each pitch – after each time the ball returned to the pitcher – each of us should mentally ask ourselves, “What’s the count and where’s the play?” During practices he would spot check to see if we could answer those questions. At times, one of the players would not know when asked. “Take a lap around the field,” the coach would say.
 

We Oft Mock Wisdom

I have thought a lot recently about the story of Solomon and the two mothers. It’s well known. Two women had come before the king, each had given birth to a child, but one baby had died. The claim from each woman was that the living son was hers. One mother claimed, “This woman’s son died in the night, because she smothered him while she slept with him, then switched the children in the night.” The other woman retorted, “No! For the living one is my son, and the dead one is your son. She is making up this story to steal my son.”
 

Solomon examined the situation as each woman made her case, then announced he had a great way to resolve the problem: he would take out his sword, cut the baby in two halves to give to each of the women. Suddenly, one of the women shrieked, fell to her knees and begged him not to do that. She gave up her claim if only the king would spare the child’s life. Solomon then looked upon the weeping woman and told his royal guard, “Give the first woman the living child, and by no means kill him. She is his mother.”
 

But Who Is Me?

Resentment is like taking poison and waiting for the other person to die.
 ~ Malachy McCourt 

I held on to a lot of anger for years after my divorce. The bitterness ate away and corroded the true me, but it happened at slow pace – so much so that I barely noticed the change. And I carried this hatred with me for a long time and without being aware of it.
 

The Kvetching Order

I recently read an article in the LA Times by Susan Silk and Barry Goldman about being appropriate during times of difficulty. They described a method devised by Susan to know when and to whom it is okay to vent and when and to whom to only speak supportively.
 

You'd Better Work...

I read an article today about marriage that caught my attention. At first I thought it was mocking the institution, but soon realized it was standing up against those who believe marriage is an outdated idea.