Search Blog

Aug 27, 2011

Cuts Like A Knife

Oh - I wish I were referring to the Bryan Adams' song, but sadly I am not. My pun is my comic-attempt to inform the huge fan-base (all 3 of you) about my up-coming operation.
I have made many gut-busting jokes and blared Weird Al's Living With A Hernia tune a lot lately, but the truth is I'm quite apprehensive about the surgery. While I understand the success rate and the “routineness” of the procedure, the idea of being cut open is simply unsettling for me. And even though it's a simple hernia repair, the full-rest recovery time is less than a week, meaning I can return to work after the weekend; the full health restored time frame is roughly 8 weeks, which makes the whole process relatively easy and worthwhile - yet, there is a mild panic in my being about “going under the knife.”
The up-side, of course, is that I will no longer have the puffy swelling that would make me a well-paid Calvin Klein model if the bulge were only a bit more centered. As it is I often feel like the world is tilting to the right, and I must conduct meeting from the left side of the table to keep the room balanced. In those office meetings, my coworkers think I'm a jerk with the crazy faces that sometimes occur when an after-lunch gas bubble performs a drum-solo from inside my intestine. I won't miss the pain; that's for sure.
I'm also getting married in 26 weeks, 6 days and a few hours (but who's counting?) Having this repaired will absolutely improve the quality of my marital life, especially considering the young age of my bride.
So, yes - there are many advantages. Still, I anxiety runs through me. But before long it will be behind me and happier days ahead.

No comments:

Post a Comment